Daily Archives: August 12, 2014
What is taken is never given back.
Most people looking at the tragic death of Robin Williams will like myself find it hard to believe that this great talent has gone, the celluloid remains but the essence of the man and the presence are gone.
When a personality starts to self assess, worth of life it will always in this world come up short in the darkest spaces of depression. Depression is not sadness take this from one who knows.
Very giving people who have a great connection to others are usually left feeling short-changed by the process, as they feel they give more than they get in return. This is not an indictment against the friends and family of the people, that make such magical effects in others lives, it is a sad fact that comics that cheer people may well be needing it more than the audiences they find. Most people use a minimalist approach to life, relationships and friendships. This still has the biggest majority of people underplaying, keeping their cards close and hiding their true feelings or selves from possible harm or ridicule.
Sadly most of the world in a petty, money driven society will be doing this by rote as they make their way in the world. Keeping yourself safe or guarding your feelings is largely a predestined way of being in the modern world, the personal risks are raised when you enter particular worlds, the vain world of acting and entertainment with its larger than life looks and character dependencies.
When people reach out to touch others, to ease their day, to brighten their moments, to lift spirits they are usually the ones that are not having theirs topped up in a meaningful way, even in a steady relationship the giver will forego their own needs to facilitate the person in their attention.
Every one of these givers that falls into depression are treading on dangerous ground if they fail to deal with the fact that they do not have a giver to top themselves up, sort off an emotional pit stop, and then fall into certain dependencies, drink and drugs being the worst of them, to feel better or to just get out of the rut for a bit. It is a harsh fact of life that we each of us top up another’s feelings of self-worth, parents for children and vice versa, friends and partners. Good social groups with mutual interests as a base, a shared hobby, playing in a band or being in a team in dance or sports. This is the primary filling up point for us all, losing a giver, to a giver may well become the first step on a slippery slope.
We each top up a couple of other people and are topped up by at least a couple, but lose any point in the process and the deficit will soon show. We all need conformation from friends, acceptance and even their best regards to top up by without the theatrical need for big ceremonies and expressive displays of affection. The feeling of belonging is the best tie to keep topped up by.
This becomes a compounded injury when the person is autistic as they miss out on most of the emotional exchanges the rest of the world takes for granted.
Just to stress this point let’s look at a controlling beings way of isolating someone and breaking their support network. They begin by giving praise that is higher than normal, paying great attention and giving compliments first in dribs and drabs till they start the other wanting to spend more time with them then they increment them to showering their target. Once the person is ‘in’ a relationship the manipulator will start the undermining process, fat, ugly worthless, all this has a detrimental effect on someone in a good support group but the damage is exponential in an isolated individual. The whole process is only delayed and stalled by a strong will and a resistance to negativity. First is silent disapproval then comes outright digging and undermining the self-worth of their target, then the abusive behaviour will escalate into violence, if the target is isolated and the dominator controls the contact with other people it is well on its way to becoming the final straw in a campaign of attrition. The injury is further complicated by debt and obligations, making grades and meeting deadlines.
So if any of you find that there is one individual in your midst that makes your day, brightens your moments, just ask yourself this, ‘when was the last time you or one of the group did this for them’. This is not an accusation it is simply being asked to get you thinking about raising someone else’s mood, spirits or to just make them smile. It will light up their prison just as much as they did yours.
Farewell Robin, this is Orson calling Mork, c u the nanu the nanu.