May Auld acquaintance be forgot
A Knights Sword
Well they do say the devil is in the details, he sneaked or was that snaked into paradise an hour before god knew he was there and look at the damage he did since. still is that no pride that thinks it can get ahead of god and that the all-knowing widnae know he was there wunder who put that notion in his brain eh.
Well I am moved to tears what with all the best wishes for the future pouring in from our former allies those old empire builders next door, and the whip round was out of this world, these old mother of the modern democracies, the very core world parliaments ( I meant to parley … no can’t be that simple) have moved this old nations hearts, we were here when those nasty Italians came and over ran all your ancestors, we were here when they had to build a wall to protect themselves from us, we even sent an ambassador down into England some time later a boy by the name of Willy ye know Mrs Wallace’s son, oh and she’s asking if you can tell him his tea is oot and if you can kindly send us back his belongings for a heroes funeral, after all ye raid burial places the world over so just what did you dae with Mrs Wallace’s son’s remains and of course that nice lady who yeh chapped aff her head and then destroyed the place of incarceration in Corby area wis it, yeh know where willy stopped aff tae pay his respects on his trek doon tae see yae.
Still that’s just bye the bye (not by the by … shhhh) would like to just take a minute to thank all the bankers (gid job the spellers aff) for their support on our new up comin enterprise, the founding of a Nation. The world-wide business support from the global community is just so sweet and touching, I’m just lost for words give me a minute I’m just filling up here ….. there that’s better. The glass is full again and the cider is not sweet but it still hits the mark, any way where was I before I had to be barman.
Something for this new age Celtic writer to finally get his teeth intae a juicy subject:
They grave robbers owe your’s the wans that desecrate graves all over the world and plunder …. (Shh rang track matey keep it light and bright and cheery or they will think yer pickin a fight) return foreign artefacts to their empirical home on the magic isle. they can get about retuning Mrs Wallace’s son William and of course that nice heedless lass Mary if you please just as soon as yer able before our launch of a nation reborn that was burned to the grass-roots, land cleared and pissed all over (hey a warned you stop that) then land was given to the Campbell’s in English footholds, still most left in the clearances as they wir nae mare welcome after their treachery. How dae yeh bribe a man to betray his countrymen his own kith and kin and what is the sins of the fathers that will be visited on their lineage I wonder (are you jist no listening, they get everything wrang they will think yer picking a fight … because it suits their purposes. naw because their stupid they thought they could raid the world and get away scot-free … just born on the wrang side ow the wa heh) still most of the little traitors are abroad right now and their misfortune is being visited just like the Japanese retributional wave and the Chinese picking a fight and their economic ……WHIT are yeh on about ya witless moron just shut up and listen, you think it’s all black and white, we good they bad, are you mad lad.
This next door neighbour that never re-invested in these lands and rehabilitated it have deliberately asset stripped this country, they set up a drain that forced our native sons to work in their lands for their own economic benefits, the biggest single employer north of their border is the state lackey system they put in place instead of investing in their so-called alliance members . They moved in and took the oil selt the rights to their business partners, no co owned the rights with their fellow alliance members were jist kept subjugated by the …….. there yeh go again wi the black and white scenarios again boy yeh want tae get oot oh kindergarten, and look at the bigger picture …. ow aye and whits that when it’s at hame then, Mctavish. Well think owe how things are for them right now will ye fir a change. Naw boy jist hear me out first.
Awe they nations they invaded and also asset stripped are now putting together legal petitions for aid compensation for past misdeeds well that puts the public purse in jeopardy does it no. I’ll take that nod as ah can carry on tae ma point in all this. Well lets just say that a small part of their nation is about to break away from the unscrupulous neighbours, and that, that new emerging pristine example of true democracy that will spring from the lions of the great up rising … ahem … the point is, owe aye sorry getting carried away there fir a minute, well what if this new nations first act of independence is to make world numbered account banking system that charges for storage regardless of wealth contained and was to say start a litigation against its auld ally for past transgressions, from a standpoint of prior claim against the rest of the world claims, we then deposit the amount in one of our own new banks as working collateral in say an old whisky storage vault yeh know wans wi fifteen feet thick walls. we then give them a chance to re-secure the deposit against the day when they will make full restitution as long as they start a program of reinvestment in this nation for our good service in the past. We come oot owe it as shining knights helpin a poor downtrodden struggling neighbour fir a price ow course, well whit dae yeh think man. That’s a hell owe a way tae get a nae strings loan for an indefinite period, ya auld silver fox yeh.
Well jist tae play devils advocate as yeh know they will, which is what yer askin me fir tae sound it oot on. Whit if the reason this nation canny stand up is we awe think we have tae get a job geen tae us, instead of making our own money, what if that’s why the biggest employer is the state, in the first place, because we awe think somebody has a job fir us, or that the world owes us a livin, because the majority of us canny think fir ourselves. Ah canny name a single big Scottish entrepreneur can you. Shaun Connery, Billy Co ….. awe right awe right, there are wan or two oot there some place.
So let me see again you want tae cut a deal with the well-known business practices and moral fibre of the auld ally in the hope that they will be unscrupulous and try to Welch on their obligations, when they are paying so much in foreign aid to pay historic debts to nations that proved legitimate claims against them. And that are under the throes of a world recession, is the best time to try to cut a deal with the auld liar ally, is that no jist what a modern day Campbell would dae Mctavish. Jings never saw that wan comin did you.
So dae yeh think we have a prior claim against them then eh. heh heh.
But ah wid hate tae be in the shoes of any emerging nation that got its imperial system left by the brit abroad that then try’s to take ‘them’ to court in their ‘own’ system. Imagine thinking they can beat the devil at its own game it could be a beast of a play aff, i’ll bet yeh. Good thing we still have Scottish Law then isn’t it eh.
So whit is that David Campbell’s phone number again (Campbell naw couldn’y be could it.) and i’ll gee him a call eh get the ball rollin so tae speak. Noo you keep this tae yersell no, nay gassin tae the lassies doon the pub on a lumber ken hoo its no jist yer gums yeh bump when yer rammin it hame. Loose lips sink ships when a lassie waggles her hips at yeh. So zippit till a gee yeh the heeds up. We could be laughin all the way tae the bank min.
Noo just where did a leave awe they skeletons in the closet stories about they auld neighbours of ours must brush up on ma acceptance speech after they finish haying their gag about pulling oot owe our lands. Came saw conquered by treacherous locals, asset stripped to the bones war atrocities slaughtering our legitimate line to supplant it with some auld long lost cousins, naw a new democratic charter by the people of Scotland to bring their own government to a democratic charter with the people, to serve it to never knowingly misuse the peoples power against them and claim it’s in ‘their’ best interest, to never deny them their birth rights ……. awe right ma heeds buzzin wi awe this ….. lets get a pint in before the bell and you remember tae keep yer kilt on, or yer mouth shut just keep it busy doin something else trust me boy it will awe come naturally it always does.
After all a cross on a ballot paper in no way infers the transfer of rights from one individual to another in a court of law, that the power of
poxy attorney proxy remains with the signer if they are capable of reading and writing and can of course sign their own name. Under the rules of evidence for this United King ….. sorry … Great Brita …… British Isles yeah that more like it they haven’t a leg to stand on and cannot use your rights against you under their own legislation, no wonder they were looking for a fast track way to change legislation, you know global unrest, trouble on the streets anarchy and mayhem ruling well that never got aff the ground now did it. They must have been under the weather or sumthin what dae yeh think man.
Signed this day of our lord
Alec Mctavis (That’s Mr Alexander to you lot)
The wee scunner…..